It’s been too long since I last participated in Food for Thought, but I seem to have an urge to purge through writing today, and have given myself the afternoon off. When I saw that this week’s theme is “home”, it got me thinking.
I have lived in many different houses, both here in the UK, and in other countries far and wide. When I was young, and lived with my family, we moved a lot, due to my father’s job. It was exciting, although it meant a lot of adjustment: new place (new country, even), new school, and trying to make new friends. In a sense, I think I had to become a bit of a chameleon, learning to read the new environment and endeavouring to become what I needed to be to fit in. On a couple of occasions, where my accent didn’t fit in and identified me as “an outsider”, that even meant adopting a new voice.
As an adult, I now have a wanderlust, no doubt because I grew so accustomed to moving about when I was younger. I now find it hard to imagine myself staying in one place for any length of time. (My record is 11 years, and I was itching to get the hell out towards the end.)
Is it for these reasons, then, that I find it hard to define “home” for myself? Whenever the question “where do you think of as your home?” has been asked of me, I have often quoted the Marvin Gaye song (although, for me, Paul Young’s cover is the definitive version), Wherever I Lay My Hat (That’s My Home). Home, for me, has always just been whatever house currently contains my bed and my belongings.
But, then, Luther Vandross sang “A House is Not a Home”.
A chair is still a chair, even when there’s no one sittin’ there
But a chair is not a house and a house is not a home
When there’s no one there to hold you tight
And no one there you can kiss goodnight
I like the sentiment, and I’ve no doubt of its truth. But if you are a loner with itchy feet, and a reticence to commit (to either one place or one person), where does that leave one? Where does it leave me?
As it turns out, this is a timely subject for me to be musing upon, as I am going to have to move out of my current home soon due to work issues and the subsequent financial pressures that come along with them. I will likely find myself having to move out of London altogether: much as I love it, it’s fucking expensive here!! And, mostly, I’m okay with facing moving to a new environment yet again. I’m used to it, and I’m probably nearing the time when I need a change of setting anyway. But, it will heavily impact upon my relationship as it stands.
While we don’t share a home, H and I can see each other fairly regularly within our little poly dynamic. But when I have to leave, and move to god knows where, it will be much much harder. I am dreading that. I know from a lifetime of personal experience how much hard work is required to maintain the long distance friendships, let alone anything more. And when the other person also has a primary partner and kids to consider? Well, I think you’ll appreciate why I feel so anxious…
And what about opportunities to develop my kinky side in other poly dynamics? I haven’t yet grown the balls, as it were, to visit a play party, or even a munch, but what happens if/ when I do? I know it is terribly London-centric of me to say, and of course there are kinky folks in every community, but I feel like I will be cut off from a lot of potential activities and possible partners.
Who knows the future? I don’t have a crystal ball, and I know that wherever I end up, it will become my home. And, I’m no stranger to living alone: I love it. But, nonetheless, there are times that I can’t help thinking about what other things a home could but never have been for me, and wondering whether I am missing out on something warm and wonderful that could offer me a better defined notion of my own place in this world….
Jupiter's Lair 
All the things that exist for you in one place, can also come into existence in another. Though some geographic locations can have an impact on how quickly or easily these things come into existence, they can, in no way, preclude the fruition of that which you desire, where ever you may be. Though the materials and construction methods may change, you will still build the sustaining and fulfilling ‘home’ you have now. You may miss the ease and comfort associated with what you have now, but that too will return in time. Best of luck in whatever you decide, and I will be here for all of it! ❤
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Thank you, Brad. This is a really insightful way of looking at it, and has made me more positive about the coming changes. 💜
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❤❤❤
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I can relate to your post so much – “a loner with itchy feet” – that is me too
I wish you well wherever u move to and let us know all about it on your blog. Have missed u on F4T
xx
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Thank May. I will likely blog about it over the next few months, if only to try to make sense of my own conflicted feelings about it, lol!
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I feel the “wanderer” vibe quite often. Think of all of the new people and opportunities that await you. ❤️
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Thanks J. Yes, that’s the positive way to approach it, absolutely 👍😘
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I have so much sympathy for your situation. I’m writing a post, got stuck, and am looking around. This probably doesn’t help, but I started my post also with ‘Home-less’. You’re not the only one, which makes me in a strange way hopeful that eventually two ‘home-less’ people can make a home together. It’s not easy. Good luck. 😘
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Thank you, Francesca. I read your post today. Yes, there’s there’s a shared sense of questioning where our (future) home is and what it may look like. We’ll be fine, I’m sure. We’ve got this far in our lives, and we’re capable women. But, yeah, definitely unsure times. 🌹😘
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Just wanted to put my 2p in. ( I know, I don’t remember you asking either) Home is where you feel most yourself and can mean a place, or people, often just 4 walls and your stuff and can be redefined many times in your life.
As for your relationship with H, while it may not be as convenient, if the effort is put in, you can still make it work. I doubt that your kinkier endeavours will be too difficult to enjoy away from London, there will be some adjustment as you find your place in whatever new location you find yourself in. Maybe a new place to live will leave more bold and this search as an adventure.
No matter what, I hope you enjoy this new chapter, which feels like its pulling you towards it.
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Thank you, Munky. I really appreciate your comments, and I think that you’re undoubtedly right – there are actually many positives to moving and starting fresh in a new place. Thank you for encouraging me to look at the bright side x
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Your post really is food for thought. I guess I’m the opposite to you and have moved rarely. It’s interesting that you are a bit more apprehensive about this upcoming move than others. I hope all goes well and H can still be part of your life. xx
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Thank you, Julie. Yes, you’re right. This does feel like a more apprehensive move than the others. I guess the two main reasons for that are the job upheaval and the fear of losing part of what I have with H this time. Those factors haven’t been issues before. I envy you for having not moved a lot. I suppose it is a case of “the grass is always greener”, but I’ve always thought it must be nice to have roots somewhere. 🌷
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Come and live near me. I live by the seaside, maybe not the cheapest part of the U.K but better than London and we are close to the New Forest and as an absolute bonus I’m here, lol 🙂 x
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Actually, I’m leaning very heavily towards a seaside location. I’ve been yearning to live by the sea for a long time. And if you’re nearby, I wouldn’t be lonely 🤗👍
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Truly something to ponder… but honestly, I have always found the anxiety before an event, whatever it is that we dread, is always worse than what comes after. Once destiny forces us to jump, the paths open up miraculously into very interesting worlds and I am always forced to ask myself why I was holding back! Just believe that the future is where life is… I hope things will work out wonderfully for you. 😚
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Thank you for this comment. You make really salient points, and it makes me feel more positive xx
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Love to you… ♥♥
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Thank you 💖 And to you x
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