The constriction, this suffocation;
The choking, the struggle to inhale.
Clawing fingers of fear and pain,
Tearing at the chest, the throat, the solar plexus.
The affliction, this consuming terror from causes unknown;
Tremulous and weak, holding back the flood. Denying, refusing,
The contradiction, this bloodletting;
That which wounds while it comforts,
That scars while it heals.
Beads of magenta that emerge from pale and barren ground,
Bringing relief like exhalation of long-trapped breath.
The mortification, these stains on skin and soul;
That bring remembrance of control and denial of bondage,
Whilst evidencing incontinence and loss of willpower.
Shaming, desecrating, tainting.
The irritation; splinters of skin
Raw and itching.
The discolouration; the poisonous yellow-green ooze of cuts that run too deep.
The indifference, this lack of care;
The shame my penance, wholly deserved.
Reminding me of my weakness, my hopelessness.